i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
