if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
