im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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