go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I did not marry a roomba.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
