i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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