you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
