Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
