She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
