I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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