This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
