I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
