3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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