I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
