no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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