my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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