i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
