right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
