oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
