Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
