i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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