Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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