just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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