Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
