The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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