I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Come see our sink grown plant.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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