i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
