Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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