I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
