Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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