Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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