why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
