I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
