I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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