I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
