dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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