I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
