She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
