i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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