I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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