I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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