I love black thongs
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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