Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
