Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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