you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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