Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
