piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
