After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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