My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
