I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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