I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
