I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
