The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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