coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
