I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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