Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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