I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dear god my vagina.
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